fiber

i am not regretting this $8 bag of cherries one bit. my digestive track, on the other hand, may disagree after having to digest 3/4 of said bag in one go. toot.

farts

i was standing in line at the local health food hippy store waiting to buy my gay wheat free dairy free egg free shit when one of the resident granola crunching employees came skipping through the line to open another line. as she passed between me and the mother and her 5 year old son an extremely loud very trumpet like fart was heard. my immediate thought was the kid so i prepared a suitable disgusted/annoyed look for my face to present to either him or the mother. the mother turned to me with a huge smile on her face, "was that you?!" and i burst out laughing "NO! was it you?!", "no!". she turns to her son, "was that you?!", he looks at us both, slowly shaking his head wide eyed and horrified that we could be accusing him of such an act. at this point the mother is laughing so hard she is crying and has to step out of the line. meanwhile tofu fart pants cashier is beckoning me to her newly opened line. i go and am loading my products onto the belt with tears streaming down my face and my shoulders heaving with silent laughter. i can't make eye contact! i am losing it! i finally make it out alive and cry the whole way home.

hacker

i currently hate the douche bag who sits in the office beside me. after being here 6 months i don't even know what his job is besides calling sears everyday about his washer/dryer, booking trips to vegas to see kid rock and coughing, snorting and sniffling all god damn day long. PLEASE DIE.